As I sit here lonely in my own room I think of all the wrong things I have done And I wonder if they will ever be behind me Before the end of my life has come ? So help me someone, please help me I want what once was mine I've lost Tell me how I might forgive and be forgiven And how I will ever be able to afford the cost I climb so high with so far to fall The trumpet sounded, but I'm afraid of the call Lonely and still like some kind of wind-up doll. She told me to run but I could only crawl And jealous of all the pretty happy people down at the mall I guess, like me, there're only human after all. So night after night and day after day I dream of the special one who will come my way Prim and proper, or common and stray I'm tired of drifting like some kind of castaway Hand in hand, together we'll stay Through good and bad, with or without, turning old and gray. I remember when I was a young boy How it felt to love someone so much Like they were some kind of cloud in the sky Just too high for me to ever touch. The dawn has come now and the dream is over The illusion left just as fast as it came Though I tried so hard to love it seemed so selfish Love which warms from a distance, burns close to the flame. I climb so high with so far to fall The trumpet sounded, but I'm afraid of the call Lonely and still like some kind of wind-up doll. She told me to run but I could only crawl And jealous of all the pretty happy people down at the mall I guess, like me, there're only human after all. So night after night and day after day I dream of the special one who will come my way Prim and proper, or common and stray I'm tired of drifting like some kind of castaway Hand in hand, together we'll stay Through good and bad, with or without, turning old and gray.
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Fire red hair burning like the sun
Or vintage red wine with a wrinkle on the label.
Of what was is now just a skeleton
Of a girl with a heart so unstable.
Beautiful eyes which try so hard to hide
A smile masks most all of a face in pain.
Despite all the signs, no one comes inside
Just a girl, herself, and her cocaine.
Who is this girl that I once knew ?
That we treated like some kind of worn out shoe
Like a dog or a cat, just a beast to own
Is it my fault she ended up all alone ?
"Someone rescue me," she cried
"Someone give me love," she cried
So we crucified..., we crucified her
I ask, "Is she really to blame ?"
"Is she just a bad disease ?"
"Or a lady who only needs a name.
Soft flesh displayed in full view
The evening's entertainment of drug induced sport.
Out of her clothes and into the bottle she withdrew
becoming the jester of the ignorant court.
Her wounded heart bleeding in hemorrhage
Passed up, passed by, and passed around and around
Enslaved by masters themselves held in bondage
Everything given and nothing found.
Who is this girl that I once knew ?
That we treated like some kind of worn out shoe
Like a dog or a cat, just a beast to own
Is it my fault she ended up all alone ?
"Someone rescue me," she cried
"Someone give me love," she cried
So we crucified..., we crucified her
I ask, "Is she really to blame ?"
"Is she just a bad disease ?"
"Or a lady who only needs a name.
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If I could only reach through these PRISON walls, I would take you into my arms and ask GOD to make me yours and make you mine. Dancing on the edge of release, a smile somewhere inside. Dreams come and go but the VISION is still real; the pain subsides like the things we feel.... This time though it is no cruel illusion; no strange twist of fate -- the REAL thing -- faith at its best. They might give up but we won't give in, and disaster is averted this time. TIME. . . . time is consuming; it offers only to later deny. The beauty of its fruit is misleading asking something for everything it gives. But not us this time! For we are eternal and face the pain with much to gain. If I could ask GOD, I would reach though these prison walls and make you mine. If I could dance I would release myself, hold you tight, and SMILE. Time is such an obstacle for those who submit to its power. I see her face everywhere now, but also somewhere in the FUTURE -- in between is FUZZY VISION. This fuzzy vision scares me into strength. Paul called it GRACE; Jesus called it LOVE; I call it SECURITY. So this FLOWER of love blossoms from my eyes in Technicolor, the petals of your lovely face falling all around me. Dear GOD, the beauty of plain living. LIFE itself will be my poem; a lack of fear to match its lack of rhyme. No consistent pattern to EVALUATE. . . . no specifications to EMASCULATE. Like a BABY bird in its egg, I burst forth from God's mold; wrestling with the horns of fate upon the mat of divine providence. Your head is now on my chest -- rest in sturdy arms -- and listen to hearts beating fast as they pump the substance of our PASSION. "With this ring, I thee wed," might avoid the sadness of, "It might have been." Our path is one. . . . the future has taken root in the present. And someday, when PAST debts are over -- my FREEDOM anticipated -- you will come to me as mine. . . . never to own, but to serve. The thought of loving you -- finally! -- in your presence. Though she loved him, she did not know him; though he knew her, he never loved her. I love you because I know you. Sweet KNOWLEDGE of love! Ancient mysteries understood. Like GOD on a CROSS. This then is our mark -- our life's hope -- our goal of imitation. Precious fruit of salvation -- FREEDOM -- to love each another. I will reach through these prison walls and take your hand; I will dance onto our GOD in praise; and as I gaze into your eyes, I am SMILING.
BECAUSE TIME STANDS STILL. . . . . .
They say That our desires Are the source of all our pain. If that Is really true Then I must want The stars and the moon. I don't know who is my friend Where I'm at or where I've been But I know. . . . I know what I know. . . And what I know is that I don't know. My despair Is like my hate It's very cold and very dry. My hope Is like my love It shows its face But never really comes. My death Always comes again and again Because I hate who I am My life Has become a mess Taking away the sun In exchange for a life of sin. TO REMAIN ALIVE, THE JOY IN YOUR SOUL MUST EXCEED THE PAIN IN YOUR HEART
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Like stars that explode to create new ones My WORLD is shattered. Like the dessert sand that awaits to new hope of spring rain My SOUL is thirsty. Like the unborn chick desperately pecking upon the shell of its prison I want FREEDOM. Like the poems I write in the private solitude of sadness My HEART is heavy. Like the snow which falls and turns to ice in winter My SPIRIT is cold. Like the wind of the forest that blows in all directions I long to be FREE. Like a small child who clings to the safety of mother I need LOVE. Like fire which consumes everything in its path I feel DESTRUCTIVE. Like a trip through a country road on a moonless night My life is DARK. Like a blood-stained corpse lying frozen in the dead of winter I am WOUNDED. Like the bones of a slave that ache at the thought of yet another day I am TIRED. And like the faith some have in the wonders of an all-mighty God I will TRY again.
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Ages ago, God declared this world should see my face but he didn't want any harm to come to me. So he put me in your womb and did give me a safe place until, just at the right time, it was time for me to be. And when he decided I should breathe my very first, your body trembled as it began to moan. In pain and fear you with joy gave me birth; and when it was all over, you gave me a home. I soon learned to walk, crawl, and then run; so very sure that if I fell you would pick me up again. We laughed and we played games having so much fun. I loved those childhood days of so little pain. When daddy left, you did all you could for a child who just wouldn't of couldn't understand. During those rough times when nothing seemed very good, you were always near with a helping hand. Years later, even as an adult, you still loved so much though many things I was doing you did not approve. I could count on your love and special touch, which still today, from my heart I do move. To name this person who time after time, again and again, has showed me kindness more than any other, Would take a special word more than just, "friend," so I will just simply say, "my dear sweet mother."
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With their education strapped on my side On all their rules I slip and slide The western world has blurred my eyes I find it hard to understand their lies I do not understand! Could I? Show you who I really am. Would You? Love me even though I am only a man. Tell me? What they are wanting to see. Show me? What it is they think I should be. I seek the wisdom of ancestors old I wish my fathers had never sold Our dreams, our special way of life For a collection of junk and generations worth of strife I do not understand. Could I? Show you who I really am. Would You? Love me even though I am only a man. Tell me? What they are wanting to see. Show me? What it is they think I should be. They took away our right to think They introduced us to their drugs and drink They even made us pay them rent For a new life of unemployment I do not understand. Could I? Show you who I really am. Would You? Love me even though I am only a man. Tell me? What they are wanting to see. Show me? What it is they think I should be.
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I'm so afraid of this thing I have become And all these things I've been compelled to do I long for the dreams that have faded from my view With each and every day, another empty space has come. So many things for so long I've wanted to start But live makes me tired and gives so much pain Time after time, my love ends up in vain Left alone again with this empty space I call a heart I can still remember the tears upon their face They felt much more than I or else had a second sight I am like a wounded bird who's lost the freedom of flight I have no nest; my home is just this empty nest My soul is sad when any one or thing comes near Fear makes it so hard to believe in anything My plants won't grow and my birds won't sing I want to run; there are only empty spaces here Against all odds, I try and try again To be a better person than I have ever, ever known Perhaps to find a place in life I can call my own And gain courage to allow love to fill the empty spaces in.
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Why do we fight wars so far away from home When we can't even pay back our foreign loans? In the name of God we fight our holy wars Destroying cities and polluting our shores. The banks are out of money; drugs are on every street, So many left homeless with nothing to eat. Thirty-six stations beamed from a satellite Give little clue to what is right. Bad News! Bad news on my doorstep. Bad News! Bad news from the TV Bad News! Raining down upon me. Bad News! The story of my life. Why is it the good news never comes? Can you enhance the words of God with an F-15? Should they broadcast the war, or should it not be seen? Protesters, casualties, Aids, death, and all-around misery Are the age-old lessons of our humanity. The ones who know are not in control. The enemy has weapons that we have sold. The blank stares of still bodies dead from poison gas, Means our brothers must want what the other has.
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While the world turns around, in a Midwestern town, and her story comes down, as the pages are found. for the tale of an American girl. Trying hard to be sure, in a world of allure, the way seems so blurred, she feels so very insecure, So she searches for a hero, But he was nothing but a zero. HERO ! There is a place where love and hate mix when they are tossed and shaked. HERO ! It's a cute little fairy tale with cute little happy endings for sale. HERO ! Feeling as if she might belong will be no consolation when he's gone. HERO ! When the hope of who she would have him be is replaced by the truth of painful reality. HERO ! It was nothing but a zero. It was a real nice thought that the real world had to destroy. Giving all that she can, to the dreams of her man, or in the back of his van, feeling like an empty tin can, so goes the tale of an American girl. So afraid to be alone, so she makes his her home, losing all that's her own, while becoming his clone, so she built herself a hero, but he was just another zero.
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This pain inside is so hard to hide When others smile I want to be there too. The flood of tears in life are high Its truthful pleasures very, very few. We fill our hearts then tear them apart Returning to the feelings we abuse. We say we love but we don't know how Knowledge is merely reasons to accuse. Where do you go from zero? Hoping for the sudden hero. Lonely roads as far as you can see Leading you to something you can be. Freedom always has a hidden cost Like losing all and being lost. Even winning is only just a fake The love they made, we never did take. Giving up, then giving out Loving them all then losing count. When you go back to zero. . . . There is nowhere and everywhere left to go. We go out and fight to prove we are in the right For everyone who disagrees must surely be wrong. So we set out to conquer and we win the day But when it's all over we still do not belong. It's not enough to just kiss and touch I needed so much more than that from you. For the doors and windows of my mind When they open up. . . . all I see is you. You were there with me, I was there with you. Was I there for you? Were you ever really there for me?
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It would seem we don't always know where or who we are
And darkness sometimes overcomes our heart
And if it seems hard to belong living in this place
All it takes is just one look upon his lovely face!
When Jesus died, because of us
He really died, in place of us
He poured his love, into our heart
He gave us light, no longer in the dark!
Though I walk so many times through the valley of the dead
So much pain surrounds us as far as we can see
And if it seems we are drifting deep into outer space
All it takes is just one look upon his lovely face!
Sometimes I get scared and sometimes I worry about my life
Its purpose is oh so hard to always believe
So I hurt and in my mind it seems I've lost my place
All it takes is just one look upon his lovely face!
God gave his Son, for us to live
In love his grace did freely give
He freed us from, our sin inside
And now through faith, we are justified!
Before I lived I once exchanged the truth of God for lies
And I became the person the world would have me be
When it came time I wanted to find the soul I had misplaced
All it took was just one look upon his lovely face!
So someday if you realize you're living in the dark
And drifting across a frightening sea of fear
There is a place you can go, a sort of secret hiding place
All it takes is just one look upon his lovely face!
God came to earth, to buy us back
And to give us all, all we lack
He rescued us, from evil's hold
Then he gave us a crown, worth more than gold!
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Jan can you come out to play today" They want to rearrange your DNA To repackage your soul in a convenient cliché With you in the lead of their passion play About a tear-stained girl who ran away Into a dream of tomorrow where she must stay Waiting for Prince Charming to meet her midway, All he wants is her to complete his survey In the company uniform -- a black negligee Jan it is almost January, so tell me do you think you're really ready For another new year come and gone, the same old faces from yesteryear have come along It is the same old story just different faces, of lifeless flesh peeking out of empty spaces. Hollow shells of men who once were, reflect the shallow pool with such a blur Giving rise to a feudal state of fatalism, herding us all into one collective organism Jan do you still burn with desire to live Or have you given all you ever had to give Becoming fearful and numb as from a sedative The cost of love is high some say prohibitive Preferring to err on the side of the insensitive It takes some faith but life shouldn't be so punitive For love drives out the fear of the fugitive Mother Earth giving five billion reasons for which to forgive.
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She can use her smile just like a surgeon would use a scalpel. The casual manner of her unconcern cuts deep into your soul like a knife. Hoping for the miracle, grasping for the thread -- of something to hold on to the illusion -- that someday -- she really is going to mold herself into your wife. She can use "good-bye," just like some kind of barrier She can count the broken pieces of your heart by the phone calls you make She can give you all you want, yet refuse anything you need She can take you to heaven, then with a blink of an eye, cast you into hell, She can walk besides you, in front, or behind In fact, she can do just about anything at all.... except Feel precious to you Feel precious to you So precious to you Why can't she feel precious to you ? She gives up herself in a cold surrender of a part of herself you would have center stage. But she won't be the person you would have her to be -- your own personal devotionalist. So she runs from your love as you run towards your pain -- two sides of the same road ? Another chapter of "Love and Hate," ending in the making of another bitter misogynist. She knows and likes the power she has, from the fragile heart you placed in her hand. Tender fingers caress its wounds, healing the bleeding, only to open them up once again. So when and if you ever find yourself all alone, laying in the dark and counting the cost? With an empty heart and with all your treasure lost, She'll still be... Precious to you Precious to you So very precious to you.... She can use "good-bye," just like some kind of barrier She can count the broken pieces of your heart by the phone calls you make She can give you all you want, yet refuse anything you need She can take you to heaven, then with a blink of an eye, cast you into hell, She can walk besides you, in front, or behind In fact, she can do just about anything at all.... except Feel precious to you Feel precious to you So precious to you Why can't she feel precious to you ?
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Just one little look is all it takes to see While drifting far away into another moment of time standing still. Two crystal balls with a lady in the middle, Who without a single word, reveals the dark and hidden secrets of a man's faded will. On seas of glass smooth and perfect blue, Fires blend and dance, shining out into empty space so the empty can be seen Planting desperate seeds of shameless lust, In acts of love foregone, but the crystal seeds are beautiful and everything in-between. Could she be the one for me.... Could I be the one for her? Could she be the one I couldn't see? Was it just a clever disguise.... Or was it only just in my mind? Or was it really crystal vision eyes? Look out! Here come those eyes. Innocent looking.... The truth is in her eyes Look out! Here come those eyes. Soulfully piercing.... The truth is in her eyes. Look out! Here come those eyes. Quietly deceiving...? The truth is in her eyes. In her eyes... Oh yes! The truth is in her eyes. In sad, sympathetic stares the vision begins Bravely sailing away somewhere on the edge of infinity and all alone in the mind. So the warmth of love is considered . . . . But courage fails -- as fear knows -- gazing too long at the sun will only make one go blind. Every blink is like the accountant's pen Expensing the cost of all good things in life that have ever come our way. Those eyes never lie and make a captive heart, Wounded and broken -- bought with every pain -- for the mistakes of our freedom we pay.
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